I love you--no, I loved you
by xxMangaxanimexx
Summary: A quick oneshot of Sakura's feelings in vol 7 when she realized that Enju's "love" for her is not the kind of love she wanted. This part made me teary, so I thought I'd write something about it. Contains spoilers, so those who haven't got to vol 7 yet and don't want to know what happens-be warned. Please review if you like it[: (and read the author note! You need to know something)


**HI guys [: Aah. Volume 7 sure was tearful (lol im kinda behind, haven't read Sakurahime Kaden in ages ). I actually read quite a while ago, so I had to visit a second time to refresh my memories. Just suddenly felt like writing a few stories, since I haven't been had those writing sprouts for ages. Anyway, some spoilers are included here, so if you haven't read it and don't want to know what happened/doesn't know what happened, TURN BACK NOW! (well i appreciate you being here (; ) The text in italic (that are not singled worded - like the 'you') and the speeches, are actually my translations from the manga in another language, so yep they're not very accurate and yep I haven't written much myself :P  
**

**Thank you for choosing to read this fic, you're awesome [": **

**ON WITH THE READING!**

**Disclaimers: I do not own Sakurahime Kaden. Arina Tanemura owns it. The following is a mix of my translations of some text in the manga, and also my interpretation of Sakura's feelings. **

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_My dearest brother, my only brother, the brother who only belongs to me…_

"You have done the forbidden. Let us end it here, brother… no, Enju!"

I didn't know what I was thinking back then. It was a mix of emotions, swirling around confusion, despair, anger, and desperation, all hidden under my façade of determination. But it seemed as though in the midst of all that, there was a speck of calm. Calm that confirmed the suspicion that was buried deep inside of me, lying unnoticed. I was never convinced, no matter what others said. He is what he used to be, I insisted. I wonder, brother… was it true, at any point since you found me again? Was it really _you_? But then again, _who are you_? I don't think I know anymore. Or maybe I didn't know at all, from the beginning. Was our childhood faked? That can't be, right? I remember how it was between us. I remember the happy times we shared, and the sad times we shared. But if that's not it…then, were the humans so cruel that you changed completely, destroying even the faintest thread of "Kai" you had in you?

"You wanted to revive Princess Kaguya, right? You wanted Princess Kaguya, who is the real owner of the Blood Sakura, to be the one to kill the human race, for you. And I…"

I was merely a tool that you could use easily. Someone, or even _something _you could wave around with.

"I'm only a substitute… before that, right?"

I can almost hear the shredding of my heart, yet ironically an invisible force seemed to grasp it tightly, growing tighter and tighter by the second. It hurts, brother. It hurts so much. Why did you show me that expression…? You could have lied to me. I… don't mind, brother. Just tell me it's not true, please!

"I love you, Sakura… Without you, I cannot survive."

_This is… not the kind of love I want. My dearest brother… I've always longed to hear your voice tell me "I love you", yet now… this phrase is the world's most cruelest sound. The me whom you love, is "sister", and not "woman". We are this in love with each other, but… I am very clear that no matter how long… this is all wrong… From the beginning, I had already known. So, this is not… the kind of love I want. I think you wouldn't understand it, even if it takes forever._

So, brother… I'm going to let you go now. I love you… no, I loved you.

"In Aoba's heart, there is a… me who is 'engaged' to him. In Lord Fujimurasaki's heart, there is a me who is the 'Moon Princess'… In Byakuya's heart, there is a me who is the 'descendant of Princess Kaguya'… In Hayate and Kohaku's hearts, there is a me who is a 'warrior'… In Asagiri's heart, there is a me who is a 'friend'. I can't leave them… and follow you…"

_I am already no longer your 'sister', neither 'woman'. I am your… 'enemy'._

"I'm sorry."

That feeling of emptiness and slight relief… just like the calm after a dark, dreadful storm…


End file.
